Saturday, 20 February 2010

Just When I thought the Web Was OK...

...the BBC celebrated it with interviews with satan's disciples like Bill Gates.  The Homo Interneticus programme ended with some East European saying how wonderful that we were going to evolve into a new species.  Their future hope sounded like a cross between The Matrix and The Lawnmower Man where James Bond or Pierce Brosnan battled against a crazed megalomaniac who turned himself into electricity and entered the World Wide Web, his first fiendish act being to ring everybody's telephone.  Yes I was puzzled about the ending too.   Anyway, didn't Dr Who warn us that "You're so easily controlled" in the episode where everyone wore those earpieces that look like Mr Spock's ears?

In typical BBC fashion, the most intelligent of people interviewed, like the lady psychologist who succinctly pointed out the 'need' for an artificially created feeling was consuming people, were ignored in the final worship of the World Wide Web, with more viruses in it than in all the bottoms of the gay people holding up the traffic whilst causing a public nuisance chanting how proud they are of their bottoms.

It was good to be shaken not just stirred a bit.  It dawned on me that internet social networking is not much different to a network of brains in jars, linked to each other, sending messages.

The Web must be satan if the BBC is celebrating it.  In fact both Dr G and I myself agreed when the Net started to take hold, that it was satan, but I was then turned into thinking it was OK as there's some good jokes in it.

So here I am, in the heart of satan, exposing his bare botty and some of the villains  who work for him.

Friday, 19 February 2010

Loose wimmin

It was probably the problems caused by Eve tempting Adam that gave loose wimmin a bad name.

Mind you, the slang term from 100 years ago for loose women was 'gay' - they were a perky lot! Wasn't very chivalrous of loose effeminate men to nick their word was it? 

Now I'm broad minded enough to converse with cheerful, morally lax and licentious women. ( In fact I even spoke to a homosexual once.  Mind you, he was the traditional kind who always had a kind word for a heterosexual.)

I recall conversing with two women of the morally lax profession in a street in Alaska once.  A black and a white one.

"Do you want to party?" they asked.
"No" I said in surprise.
"Why not?" they demanded in indignation - I'd obviously hurt their feelings.
"I'm British!" I explained to console them.

Well, they understood. We had a reputation abroad once you know...!

What can I say now though when I'm in Alaska, what with the cads and geminy of baboons in today's British Government!  These pimpish rogues set their gorillas on any chap if he upsets any of their loose women, especially foreign ones!! - see Satan's Bare Botty

Brave Artist

For the first time in my life I came across some contemporary art that didn't make me feel depressed. 

Satan must hate it!

Thursday, 18 February 2010

'Modern' Sex Scandals

Before it was a scandal if a politician was discovered to be having a bit on the side.

Now it's a scandal if a politician is suspected of morality! 

A law would be passed to execute him if he suggested a child 'adopted' by homosexuals might be normal, therefore reject homosexuality, therefore could be either scarred for life thinking about his upbringing in a deviant sexual and emotional domestic environment, or else turn into a sociopath because of what society did to him.

It's certainly not possible to get a senior job in Government, the Police or Social Services for anyone suspected of morality.

Wednesday, 17 February 2010

twitter and the arts council

No-one wants poetry.

Struggling poets struggleth more than struggling thespians or struggling writers.

That's why the blessed Arts Council exists - to make sure that the most beautiful of British Poetry does not get lost in the uncultured desert of the ephemeral clamour of the world.

It could be the ethereal flavour of mysterious emotion crafted so carefully in disjointed thoughts with no metre nor grammar nor hint to meaning, that only the most refined metropolitan can open the door to it.  Or it could be the romantic, finely detailed journey of a bit of loo paper, just used by a sensitive sodomite poet.

The Arts Council is there to represent us in their blessed offerings to the gods, with even Zeus weeping when reading some of the finest offerings.

Monday, 15 February 2010

Angels and Demons

You've heard that 'Fools Go Where Angels Fear to Tread' .

So what are Angels afraid of?

Well, Angels have many fears.

Such as:

TECHNOPHOBIA - fear of updating to Microsoft's latest operating system.

HOMOPHOBIA - fear of comedians kissing each other rather than telling any good jokes.

CANNIPHOBIA - fear of people like Hannibal Lechter and politicians in general of course.

XENOPHOBIA - fear of people like Napoleon and of all those running EU who think they're Napoleon.

NECROPHOBIA - screwing one's face up at the thought of doing it with corpses. 

ISLAMAPHOBIA - fear of being blown up, beheaded, or meeting anyone in a dark alley whose role model really is a mass murderer who today would have been tried for war crimes - Mohammed.

TRANSPHOBIA -  mostly suffered by ladies having problems saying "Oooh, you're just like us" to mental patients displaying their penises and drug inflated chests in the ladies changing room.

PAEDOPHOBIA - fear of  Minister for the Child.

The list goes on.

So why don't Fools have these fears?  Well, Satan and his army of demons have told all the Fools that it's wrong to have these fears. For example, if a mental patient can only emotionally and sexually relate to a giraffe's bottom, then the Fool is told that it's wrong to think anything of it. That it's giraffaecalphobic to be puzzled as to why the giraffe should be entitled to a British passport and a pension.

What the Fool needs to know is that even Dr G. would admit that all the phobias mentioned in so called government and police documents, like homophobia and transphobia, are not actually recognised by the medical profession.

What it means is that no-one need take the government or police seriously - both have completely lost it!

Friday, 12 February 2010

Brushed Stainless Steel Hobs

Satan obviously inspired these. They were brought in as the most inept disembodied evil spirit could create scratches on them with barely a thought. They take more time to clean leaving no marks, than a fleet of classic cars from a muddy rally driven by the sort of mechanics that leave dirty footprints on the carpet and greasy fingerprints on the trim.

The modern labour saving kitchen is of couse a myth.  They are designed to stress out and punish anyone who uses them, rather than goes out to get Klingon food from a takeaway.

The kitchen seemed to go all wrong when we were persuaded by slick Continentals that sinks made of the flimiest steel, so that taps wobble in them, and with the tiniest single drainer, and with no overflow to stop the kitchen flooding, were so sophisticated that they were worth the cost of a world cruise. 

Or was it the introduction of the 'work to rule' dishwasher, where Dishwasher Union rules require that humans have to first wash the dishes themselves before putting them into the dishwasher, and anything that could do with a bit of  labour saving, like oven pans, couldn't be put into the dishwasher because they wouldn't fit, or catch on the fan, and even if they could, Dishwasher Union rules dictated that they still had to be cleaned by hand afterwards.

Mind you, the ladies seem to go for the modern kitchen, so perhaps us chaps should leave the kitchen cleaning and washing up to them whilst we valet the car.  That's fair, and traditional. 

Women love their kitchens and men love their cars.


Friday, 5 February 2010


In the satire Alice in Wonderland, the Mad Hatter said that words meant whatever he chose them to mean.

Today's Mad Hatters have done better!!

They know normal people feel uncomfortable talking like Mad Hatters. So, to help normal people become as mad as they are, the Mad Hatters have invented words which they DEFINE as meaning whatever anyone wants them to mean. That way, normal people can use them without qualms, and hey presto, become as mad as the Hatters.

A crazed scottish Mad Hatter, William Macpherson, defined 'racist' as meaning whatever anyone wanted it to mean. Not only that, any 'racist' incident, like a brown cornish pasty sitting in a baker's shop window, should be treated as a criminal offence. So anything should be treated as a criminal offence if anyone wants it to!  The credit shouldn't go to him alone, who chaired the Stephen Laurence enquiry.  Mad Hatters had been promoting their linguistic orientation for some time.

Satan's fiendish junta (see Satan's Fiendish Junta) of toppest of the lot coppers, even if some of them couldn't remember how an arrest should be carried out, have boldly let the most deviant and looniest of the lot coppers in each force, claim that the Americanism 'homophobia' is whatever you think is 'homophobia'. Not only that, but the slightest scent of this chameleon Americanism should be reported, even if it's just a lollipop stick sticking out of a litter bin, so that senior police nutters can order some hapless copper under them to go and have words with the lollipop stick..

No wonder normal people in Police Forces across the country have been driven into the closet, scared of admitting having normal thoughts with all the loonies over them.

Wednesday, 3 February 2010

Heated Towel Rails

Why not just install another radiator, or easier still, use the one that's already there?
That way you can be sure your towel does actually get warm.