Cyclists of the Apocalypse

One of the barbarian tribes that have met with least resistance in the sack of our Land are the Cyclists.

Romans have to look left and right before walking out of their villas onto the pavement.

Everywhere that was once made for and safe for civilised Romans to stroll has been overrun by the onslaught of the barbarians from Hell, as foretold in the Apocalypse.

Their favourite sport along seafront promenades is to race up behind unaware pedestrians and to zoom past them as fast as they can whilst only a tenth of an inch away - if that.

In close second place is the running over of toddlers on their tricycles. After all, you have to blame the parents for letting their children on a 'promenade'.

Bournemouth promenade first fell to marauding hordes of slitty eyed barbarians ignoring the Council's No Cycling signs.

To establish that they were still in control the Council changed the signs to cycling signs!

This then allowed hordes of white barbarians on their bicycles to pursue their campaign of terror against what they see as plebian pedestrian slaves to the barbarian's conquest.

The Cyclist tribe only managed all this with powerful allies - the barbarian Police and the Road Safety GB tribe.

When the Roman tribune of the people, Jeremy Clarkson, pointed out that cycling through red lights is dangerous and that cyclists should learn rudimentary aspects of the Highway Code, representatives of the Road Safety tribe were visibly and auditory, and no doubt olfactorily where Clarkson was sitting, stunned.

Stunned that anyone in this advanced age should be suggesting that the Holy Cyclist should bear any responsibility, and there could be any who do not understand that such responsibility is the responsibility of everyone else - to keep out of their way and to dedicate all land to the cyclist tribe's Pagan God - SocioPsychoPath.

Woe betide any who suggest to the Police tribe that they should be enforcing Roman Law against the barbarian cyclist. They will be outcast and their suggestion recorded as a racial hate incident against barbarians. At the very least they will be treated as narrow minded bigots having no place in the Glorious Barbarian Empire.

In fact, the Barbarian tribe of Police, ruled by the sexual barbarians of ACPO, are very touchy about anyone mentioning Roman Law.  That's because under Roman Law they are all committing criminal offences!  (Like institutionalised harassment, not to mention conspiracy to corrupt public morals in their provision of a 'Quality Hate Service'! *)


(*)  Incidentally, the response of the Home Office Police Minister Nick Herbert, to a senior barrister drawing attention to criminal activity of Police Chiefs and the Home Office, is that he is being negative pointing this out!   Whitehall yobs have quite a long tradition of lying and taking the p*ss ...

NB Road Safety GB have been invited to comment if they feel that they have been unfairly presented, although they have said that they had no objections to the way Top Gear was edited when confronted.